Jibun Kakumei
by miyabi-sama
Summary: Shino x Kankuro, Kankuro loves Neji, but he doesn't love him back. Shino drives Kankuro into an eating disorder to get him for himself.
1. please look at me

Jibun Kakumei

Charcoal-black eyes watched from afar as Hyuga Neji exited the training fields.

They also watched him when he trained.

And when he studied at school

and when he sometimes shouted at Hinata

and when he went to the store

and when he read

and when he walked around town

and when he went to sleep.

And those seemingly cruel eyes watching him shone love; unanswered love. Kankuro had no idea why, but the beautiful liquorice-black-haired boy wouldn't even look at him. For so long Kankuro had been so very much in love with him. Getting nothing back. Not a word, not a look in his direction – it was as if he didn't even exist to Neji.

Sitting in a tree close to training fields, watching his love turn his back on the place and to him, Kankuro felt hot tears stinging his eyes. He leaned his head against the rugged tree, and didn't do anything to stop the tears as they smudged his Kabuki-style make-up. He'd gotten used to crying a long time ago. He didn't know what it was about Neji that made him this vulnerable, but there was no denying it. He just loved the Hyuga so much it hurt. The burning, consuming love he held within would destroy him if he wouldn't give up and let go of Neji. However every time Kankuro watched him fight with such passion and hatred, he knew there was no escape.

Maybe someday he'd get to be seen by those pale, burning eyes... someday.

The air started cooling rapidly as evening came, and Kankuro climbed down from the tree. Sighing quietly, he decided to go and see what Neji was doing one more time. He quickly ran back to town to find the boy. After a few minutes he found Neji, who was hanging around in front of a bar with a group of guys; Kankuro's brother Gaara was there too, and some other boys Kankuro would sometimes hang around with. The group talked about everyday stuff for a few minutes, and then went inside. Kankuro waited for a few minutes and followed them in, picking a table from the darkest corner. There he sat and once again watching the absolutely stunning raven-head laugh with the guys and have a few drinks before heading home. The others stayed, and so did Kankuro to avoid questions about leaving straight after Neji. He forced down some Red Cat and closed his eyes, trying to relax. Behind his closed lids there was the image of Neji again; there was no escape as he mentally tortured himself with love. He felt tears starting to form again, and opened his eyes slowly, only to find someone sitting in front of him. His vision was blurry because of crying, but he quickly tried to hide his tears. After wiping his eyes, Kankuro saw it was one of his friends, Aburame Shino.

"Hey....Kankuro, you okay there? I thought I'd come chat with you and now I find you crying here..." he sounded rather concerned.

"Um...nothing. I wasn't crying. I had something in my eyes..." however a small sob escaped, denying his words.

"Come on, you can tell me."

"...um...I just...I....you won't tell anyone?"

"I won't." his eyes looked a bit odd, but Kankuro thought it was beacause he'd had some drinks and wasn't wearing his usual sunglasses. Shino reached over the table and took Kankuro's hands into his paler, slimmer ones. Kankuro twitched a little because he was in a fragile state and the sudden contact surprised him. But Shino didn't move to release his hands.

"Well...it's just that...there's someone I really like...but he won't...he doesn't even acknowledge my existance....and this is nothing new...I've been after him for such a long time...and I just can't keep feeilng like this or I think I'm go...going to...die..." his voice slowly faded and broke a little in the end.

"It's Neji, isn't it?"

Kankuro nodded slowly, not wanting to admit it out loud.

"Hey...come on. Don't cry. I don't think anyone else's noticed. Don't cry..." Shino reached further over, this time wiping the tears off his face. Kankuro hadn't even noticed he was crying again.

"....But what can I do to make him notice me...I love him so much and he won't..he won't even fucking look at me...and why would someone like him want to go out with a...a freak like me..." he lowered his gaze to his lap and Shino ran his pale hand through Kankuro's hair.

"Hey...it's okay...but I think there's something...I've heard he's into skinny guys" Shino tried hard not to smile.

"He...is?" Kankuro looked at the Aburame with hope shining in his eyes. Maybe if he'd become everything Neji wanted, he'd finally be noticed by him...

"...yeah."

Kankuro left soon, and Shino decided to have a few more drinks.

He had a reason to celebrate.

Everything was going excellent.

Soon he'd have Kankuro, broken for him to fix.


	2. thank you, friend

Jibun Kakumei ch2

The next morning Kankuro went to the library and grabbed a few eat well-books, gaining odd looks from the librarian. He chose to ignore her and rushed home, settling down onto the sofa to read. After a few chapters he was starting to get the idea of carbs and fats and so on. There were a few recipes there, and a suggested week's menu.

Sunday:

Breakfast - Mixed Berry Pancakes with Ham Steak, Maple Syrup & Fresh Berries

Lunch - Grilled Wild Shrimp over Mixed Greens with Hearts of Palm and Grapefruit

Dinner - Herb Crusted Duck Breast with Fresh Horseradish Lemon Cream, Broccoli & Herbed Couscous

Snack - Roasted Artichoke Soup

Dessert - Snickerdoodle Cookies

He thought the foods sounded a bit tricky to make, but decided to give it a go anyway. He put the book down, starting to prepare his breakfast.

Late in the evening he felt rather good, knowing he had stuck with the plan the whole day. He was tempted to have some fresh-baked muffins at the coffee shop, but he managed to walk past it and avoid the tempation. He decided Wednesday would be the first scale day.

Monday and Tuesday went according to plan, too. The other guys at school were asking him about why he disappeared during the lunchbreaks, but Kankuro didn't feel like telling them. He just rushed home and with the little time he had, prepared the tricky meals; getting back to school just before classes started. Sometimes, when he rushed into the classroom, flushed and out of breath from running, he could almost swear Shino was looking at him with some odd satisfied expression. But the second Kankuro would look back, he'd hide it quickly and start talking with someone.

Wednesday came pretty soon, and he felt excellent, mentally applauding himself for controlling his urges. Hopping onto the scale with nothing but boxers on, he closed his eyes, seeing gave out a satisfied sigh, feeling closer to getting Neji than ever. He looked down at the scale only to be extremely disappointed. He hadn't lost one single pound; he had expected at least some weight to have shifted, but nothing had happened. He was also a bit mad at himself for feeling so good but not actually achieving anything. He took the books back to the library and walked into the same bar as Saturday.

'Neji...I'm going to have you notice me. Watching you won't do anymore. Soon you'll be the one watching.....' he thought, sitting in the corner again.

The bartender asked whether he wanted something, but the books had said something about alcohol and lots of calories, so he decided to pass. He sat there for an hour, thinking about what to do next. Maybe if he'd excercise more...but even those tricky foods took almost too much of his time, not to mention going for three-hour jogs. Lost in his thoughts again, he didn't notice Shino entering the bar.

"Hey, Kankuro! Mind if I sit down?"

Kankuro snapped back to reality, noting he'd alreay sat down but not minding it.

"Oh, hi...how're you?" he asked, trying to but not sounding convincingly cheery.

"Nothing much, but how'bout you? How's your diet going?"

"Not working. I tried it for three days but didn't lose any weight...I followed the plan, I didn't eat anything extra...I don't get it..." he sighed.

"...Um...what'd you have then? Did it feel like you were eating enough?"

"Yeah, but I was a bit hungry sometimes... But the book said...." he started, quickly interrupted by Shino.

"You know, there is a way...You can eat whatever you want..."

"What? What is it?"

"You know, you can... eat it...and then take it back."

A puzzled expression spread onto the make-up-covered face. "Take it...back?"

"You know, like...throw up."

"That's gross! Why would I want to throw up?" raising his voice, Kankuro looked at Shino as if he'd told him to eat his own head.

"...to lose weight, idiot. Just try it once, it's not as bad as it sounds...I'll help you the first time."

"But I don't think..."

"Do you love him or not?" asked Shino, his voice suddenly sounding cold.

Kankuro was taken aback by his sudden aggression, but decided to ignore it.

"....Yeah, I do....Let's go.." he said, still not thinking this was such a good idea. But if he'd get Neji that way...

On their way to Kankuro's place, they went to three different shops, picking up treats in every one of them. Kankuro tried to read the info on the packages, counting the calories, but Shino told him it was okay, slipping chocolate chip cookies and ice cream into the basket. Shino paid for everything, and when they got to Kankuro's, he followed him in and started opening packages and placing everything onto the living room floor.

"I think everything's ready...You should eat quickly, the more time you take before throwing up, the more calories you get." said Shino, sounding calm and collected.

Obviously he knew what he was doing, and so Kankuro decided to trust him. He sat down onto the floor, surrounded by a ton of food, not all of it sweet. There was also brie-cheese and breakfast cereal. Kankuro took a bite of a cookie, only to gain an annoyed sigh from Shino.

"Hey, get to it.....And quickly. Remember the calories, every second counts..."

Kankuro still felt like he shouldn't do this. 'But Shino knows better. And this if for Neji.' he thought, grabbing a bowlful of cereal and finishing it quickly. A smile spread onto Shino's face as he watched the other boy chow down cookies, then ice cream, chocolate, Pocky sticks, cheese, a piece of pie, three muffins, some more cookies and pudding. Kankuro was starting to feel really full, but Shino egged him on, telling him to eat more to make it easier to throw up. He also fed Kankuro when the other one refused to eat anymore. Finally he stopped and took the other one by his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. He put a teaspoonful of salt into a glass of warm water, mixing it and handing it to Kankuro.

"Here, drink this. It makes it a lot easier."

"But I don't...."

"Just trust me. Do it, now."

It was really hard to swallow and made Kankuro almost throw up in the kitchen. When Shino dragged him into the bathroom, he stopped resisting; he knew what he'd have to do now that he'd eaten so much.

"Um...how should I...do it..." he asked quietly.

"Just put two fingers down your throat" replied Shino, pushing Kankuro down onto his knees in front of the toilet.

He did as he was told, determination glowing in his eyes. "For you, Neji..."

Nothing happened. Pulling the fingers out, he looked questioningly at Shino, who'd moved to lean on the bathroom wall.

"Just keep them there longer, 'till it comes out. Maybe, like, wiggle them a bit or something" he snickered.

He plunged the fingers back in and after some 5-10 seconds something did come out. It was an odd, clear liquid, but it did assure Kankuro this could work.

When he pushed them in for the third time, he kept the fingers in until the actual food came out. It hadn't melted a lot, but it was mixed together and looked kinda gross. Shino flushed the toilet, ruffling Kankuro's hair in approval.

"Now keep doing that until nothing comes out. I should get going, but see you tomorrow at school... And don't tell anyone. I don't think Neji would think very highly of you if he heard..."

Kankuro wiped his lips clean with a piece of toilet paper and smiled tiredly.

"...Okay...thanks, Shino...."

"....no problem." Shino Aburame walked back to his place, whistling on his way.


	3. I can do it

Jibun Kakumei ch3

The next 15 minutes Kankuro spent on his knees with his head in the toilet. His throat was burning and his eyes wouldn't stop watering, but he had to keep going until everything returned. When all that came out was the same clear liquid as in the beginning, he felt empty in more than one way. His stomach was really hurting, and he had a terrible headache. Still he felt somewhat accomplished, knowing he'd finally have a way of catching the attention of his beautiful Neji. Smiling, he flushed the toilet. After brushing his teeth, Kankuro sat down on the sofa and decided to text Shino. He'd been such a good friend helping him like this. Even if he'd been a little demanding...

"Done now. Is it bad my head&stomach hurt like hell?" he sent.

"It's okay, don't worry. Don't eat anything tonight tho' or it'll get worse. U did rly good."

"Okay, C U tomorrow school....and thanks."

Kankuro tried watching some tv, but soon realized he was dead tired and had trouble keeping his eyes open. He filled his hotwater bottle and pressed it against his stomach to ease the pain as he climbed into bed. He fell asleep quickly, seeing nothing but nightmares the entire night. When he woke up in the morning, his stomach wasn't hurting as bad and the headache was completely gone. Kankuro realized he'd slept round the clock, and quickly started gathering his schoolthings. He grabbed a banana for breakfast, still feeling a bit dodgy. At school Shino was making eye contact the entire first class, trying to signal he wanted to talk with him. As soon as the bell rang and everyone started their packing up their things, Shino pulled his sleeve and Kankuro followed him to the men's room.

"So...how're you feeling?" he asked as soon as they'd entered and checked no one was there.

"I'm...okay, I think...But I don't know...isn't there, like, any other way...I didn't know it'd hurt..."

"You want Neji or not? You do? I thought so, too, so I wouldn't complain if I were you."

"...sorry, Shino. I wasn't complaining. Thanks for your help."

"Yeah, no problem. You wanna do it again today? I can be there, you know...."

"...I don't...I don't think I should... I don't think it's good to do it that often..." Kankuro said quietly, a bit worried Shino would be mad at him.

"...Okay. But maybe start skipping school food? It's not that good for you... but if you want to eat it, you know what you gotta do."

Having said that, Shino left the men's room.

Kankuro wasn't feeling very good about this. Why was Shino being so... _forceful_? He felt he didn't have any say about anything.

But Shino was his friend. He was just helping him out. He knew how much Kankuro wanted Neji, and was just helping.

Kankuro felt a bit guilty, doubting his friend when he was being so great about this.

A week passed, and Shino had turned up at Kankuro's place a couple of nights and talked him into binging. Every time Kankuro gave up easier and let Shino take him to the stores and afterwards, wipe the remains of returned food from his lips. Kankuro also noticed he was getting rather close with Shino. He had no one else to talk about his feelings to, and Shino was a very good listener. But sometimes felt the the insect-specialist had a little trouble keeping his hands to himself...Kankuro didn't really mind, thinking he was overreacting because he wasn't used to that much physical contact. Other guys didn't spotaneously take his hand into theirs or run their fingers through his hair. But only when they were alone.

Slowly but surely he started binging with less food, but Shino didn't seem to notice. He'd start picking fruit instead of cookies, and low-fat yoghurt instead of pudding, but still felt guilty eating so much at a time. Scared of going on the scale after his last disappointment, he didn't know how much he weighed. But Neji hadn't still looked at him, and that must mean he was the same as always. A month passed slowly, and Kankuro wasn't feeling good at all. He noticed his teeth were a bit off-coloured and his throat was sore most of the time.

However, there was something that kept him going. First it was just Shino's doing, but Kankuro soon noticed his clothes were growing looser and his ribs and hip bones started to show more clearly. He didn't even have time to feel good about his achievements, as the only thought in his head was more. For Neji, he would become anything, even if it meant losing himself.

Shino didn't push him to binge so much anymore, and a few months later he stopped doing it altogether, thinking he'd drop weight faster if he didn't eat so much. Kankuro concentrated his eating to two meals a day - but it was still just light-products, fruit and other low-calorie stuff. He didn't feel like he had to throw up those; however every calorie was counted and mourned. He was in perfect control of his eating, but somewhere deep in his mind, he missed those days when he could eat chocolate, chips or even pudding without checking the nutritional values (which, for Kankuro, basically meant the calorie figures). Or feeling like he wanted to slash his wrists.

And Shino was more pleased than ever.

'Just to check his progress' Shino would sometimes pull off his shirt despite Kankuro's slight resistance and make him lie on the couch. He'd feel up Kankuro's ribs and stomach with his bare hands and nod approvingly.

But one day, things started to change...

"You've been good...I think this is enough." Shino stated, knowing very well Kankuro, or anyone else for that matter, could never stop now that they're in so deep.

"..oh...great...." he replied, but in his head Kankuro was counting his this morning's calories. Now that he'd found canned fruit, he could even mark the calories in peaches and pineapple slices.

Kankuro started getting up to put his shirt back on, but Shino pushed him back down. His other hand was still wandering around the exposed chest and and moved to stroke the flat stomach.

"....Shino....?" he tried, but got no reply. The other boy didn't even look up at his face; just continued to move his hands, going a bit lower than before.

"..Shino, wh---what're you doing?"

"Nothing."

"....hey, stop that...it's not funny anymore..." Kankuro was getting a bit worried. Shino had never acted this way – the handholding and other touching he did had never been this...daring...

Shino sat down onto the sofa too close for Kankuro to feel comfortable with; still lying on his back, his torso exposed and feeling really vulnerable. The pale hands started reaching under the waistband of Kankuro's shorts, tugging them down a few centimetres. Feeling rather annoyed and frightened by his friend's behaviour, Kankuro slapped the intruding hands off him, and they quickly disappeared back into Shino's large sleeves.

Shino didn't say a word about what happened. He acted like everything was normal and handed Kankuro his shirt.

"Anyways, I better get going now...You've done really good, so it's okay you eat properly now."

"...yeah, okay. See you tomorrow." Kankuro replied, smiling. 'He was just lost in his thoughts...

I'm sure he didn't _mean_ anything by that...he knows I love Neji.'

The following month was the roughest one of Kankuro's life so far. Now he had to hide his eating habits from _everyone_. At least before he'd had Shino to share his feelings with, but now everyone felt like they were strangers to him. His friends at school kept asking him about why he never showed up at lunchtime (he went for walks during them), and Kankuro just lied. And felt like he was betraying everyone's trust. No one except Shino had any idea he'd been dropping so much weight. And now he was lying to Shino, too. And he felt absolutely awful because of it.

Whenever he went outside, Kankuro wore three sweaters; he was always cold and also didn't feel like explaining himself to everyone. 'Just a little more and then all we need is a gym class outside...and Neji'll finally look at me.'

Shino, however, wasn't as gullible as Kankuro thought. He knew damn well Kankuro hadn't started eating and his weight was dropping dangerously low. The last time he visited him, Shino decided to turn up suddenly, in order to catch a glimpse of the unhealthily thin body of his lustworthy friend. Shino had a hard time controlling himself, as he watched the other boy open the door with his hands shaking. He looked dead-tired and even his face was skinnier. He looked paler than ever, the make-up he wore looking like a mask on his hollow cheeks and reddish eyes. He'd probably been up all night again, working out. His figure was gaunt and there was so much out-sticking bone there was no way he was okay.

His visits had soon started to have a pattern. For a while they talked about normal stuff and sometimes about Neji, but sooner or later Shino would move closer to the other boy and start touching him. Kankuro felt guilty not telling him about not eating, but believed it was for the best. Despite his guilt, he still resisted as Shino touched his body in ways he didn't like, and as soon as Kankuro used force to make him stop, he would; but not a saecond before. The pleads of the other boy were like honey to his ears.

As time passed, Kankuro was starting to look horrible. He told everyone he'd been sick and therefore, not in the best condition of his life; in a way it was actually true. His figure was almost skeletal. Shino was starting to worry, but not because of his friend, but because of his plan. If Kankuro was hospitalized now, he'd rather die than eat before Neji saw him. What good was a dead Kankuro for Shino? He just wanted him to be broken and _his_. People can be very persuadable when they're desperate to be fixed.

However his anxiety was proven unneeded. It was spring again, and time for the beach volley season to start; and so would their gym classes outside. Everyone just wore their shorts, because the beach was great for swimming to cool off before other classes.

Kankuro had been changing in the men's room for a while now; not wanting anyone to see his fat, disgusting body. He weighed now less than he had in many, many, many years, and still saw himself as fatter than ever. When he reached the locker rooms, almost everyone he _used_ to hang out with was there. He threw his bag on the floor and quickly pulled his shirts off, three at a time. The entire room fell silent. Neji was looking at him, Kankuro noticed.

'Finally....He sees me... This is by far the... the best moment of my life. He's _staring_.' Those pale-grey eyes were wide-open, and raking over his exposed torso. 'He's _star_---what the...so is **everyone **else! What the fuck is going on?' When there are fifteen half-dressed boys staring at your naked torso, people tend to get a little nervous. Kankuro subconsciously moved his hands to cover his exposed skin, but a second look at the boys staring him revealed the emotion in their eyes. They were totally shocked, unable to look away from the anorexic-shaped boy.

Naruto, who used to be one of his closest friends, was the first one to reach out and gingerly touch his out-sticking ribs and carefully slide his hand over the cavernous stomach.

"Oh gods....Kankuro...what the hell's happened to you...?"


	4. showtime

Jibun Kakumei ch4

Kankuro flashed him a smile and walked out of the locker rooms, feeling the stares in his back. Everyone followed him in a few minutes, still in a shock-like silence. The teacher hadn't come yet, and so they decided to confront Kankuro. Quickly they surrounded him and pulled him behind the lifeguard's shack. There they formed a circle around him; Sasuke was the first one to talk this time.

"…you gonna tell us what the fuck is up or not?"

"What? Nothing's up. I just wanted to…renew myself a little, you know. Get into shape."

This time Naruto attacked before Sasuke even opened his mouth.

"Renew? Kankuro…you look horrible. I mean…just look a yourself! You're so thin it makes me feel bad just looking at you."

"Well if I'm so disgusting then please, by all means get the fuck out of my way and let me be." said Kankuro, irritated because no one had said a positive word, after all he'd done to make himself better.

"…Kankuro, I think you need help. There must be an eating disorder clinic here somewhere… And we promise we'll visit y…""Eating disorder?! What the hell are you talking about? I lose some weight and suddenly I'm a fucking 14-year-old-girl?!"

There was an angry silence between the young men, and Kankuro tried to catch Neji's eye during it. He was still staring at his body, silent and what seemed to be concerned. Kankuro felt his heart skip a beat – 'He's worried about me? That must mean he….cares about me, right?' he thought, noticing Naruto was talking again but not caring about what he said. Kankuro's charcoal-black eyes were skipping from one guy to another, and they all looked horrified and a little disgusted. He was getting scared – what if Neji was disgusted, too? But when he looked at Shino, he received an approving grin and a wink.

A few seconds later they heard their substitute teacher Umino Iruka call for them to start the game. As they appeared from behind the shack, everyone was shooting threatening glances at him, and Naruto silently formed the words "we're not done talking" with his lips. Even Iruka looked absolutely terrified when he saw Kankuro's half-naked body. He divided the boys into two teams and told them to start playing. He signalled Kankuro to come over for a talk.

"...we have to get you to the school nurse. I don't know what's going on here but this is just... horrible. Why have you done this to yourself? Or is there someone else behind this?"

Iruka stopped speaking but continued to stare at the stick-thin boy with those chocolate-coloured pools filled with sympathy and worry.

"...I'm fine...Can I go now?" Kankuro wished he was wearing a shirt as he felt the teacher's gaze drop down to the hip bones which looked like they might've been dislocated.

"It's rather obvious you are not... I don't know what to do myself, but I'm sure the nurse will know some good eating disorder clinic...And you can go back to being yourself instead of this..."

"What the hell is wrong with everyone?! I don't have a fucking eating disorder, and I'd rather die than go back to what I was! So just leave me alone if you can't stand to look at me!"

Iruka's voice was tightening as he was getting angry. He tried to remember the boy was sick, but it was hard to calm down in a situation like this.

"...what's wrong with everyone is you! They're all so worried about you but you refuse their help and instead decide to drive them away from you! Can't you even see you are sick? Just look at yourself... That is not what a young man should look like. You are going to the nurse, _now_. And if it means I have to drag you there, then so be it."

Kankuro looked down, and felt his eyes sting. Wiping his cheek, he noticed it was wet. He was _crying_.

"...I'm not going. I'm not a sick freak and you won't make me one. So just let me go and be my new self."

"But Kankuro...you are most definitely not a freak, but you have an illness and you need to be fixed. And a heeling jutsu won't be enough. Please, go see the nurse. For your own good. And for your friends'."

"I already told you I'm fine. Can I go play volleyball now?"

"......."

When Iruka didn't answer him but glanced at his boney arms, he turned on his heels and ran to the team missing one. Everyone turned to look at him, but Kankuro shot them threatening glances to keep playing. The game continued, and the others were were slowly taking in his new appearance. As they saw Kankuro play the same as always, their anxiety lessened a little. Fifteen minutes later everyone was panting and ready to go swim. They decided to play one more ball before hitting the water, but something went wrong. Naruto slammed the ball over the net, and Kankuro dove, putting his hands in front of it; his side hitting the sand. There was a sickening, audible _ crack_ from

his ribs and everything went black.


	5. let's face it

Jibun Kakumei ch5

As he cracked his eyelids open a little, Kankuro noticed he was lying down in a strange place. As his mind connected with his body, he started gettting worried. He felt his side was bandaged, and there was a weight on the side of his bed. A blonde head leaning on the edge - sleeping - tan arms supporting the mess of golden hair.

...where am I? And why is he here? What's going on?

'And what the fuck is....' there was a tube coming out of his left arm. Kankuro's head was swirling with questions, and, feeling dizzy, he lowered himself back on the pile of pillows, accidentally waking Naruto up. The blonde boy wiped dried tears off his cheeks and carefully touched Kankuro's slowly raising and lowering chest.

"...you have two broken ribs. No body fat to protect you. We're in the hospital...." his throat ws hoarse, Kankuro noticed. '...had he really been crying because of me?'

"...I see... Can I go home now? And what the fuck is this tube doing in my arm?"

"You're not going home for a while. We don't know what's happened to you but...They need to keep you here. The tube is....it's food. You're dying...not yet, but you will if you won't let them treat you...please...don't do this to me..to us...to yourself..." his voice was crackling again, and fresh tears started to smear his face.

"...Don't cry, Naruto...Everything's okay... Is Shino here?" he asked quietly, wiping the silver trails off Naruto's face.

"He's outside. He's been here with me since this afternoon...when they brought you in."

"...please don't cry, Naruto...I'm okay...don't worry...could you...could you ask him to come in?"

Naruto nodded silently, looking back at the simple hospital bed and the disappearing form of his friend. He walked out, not bothering to wipe his tears anymore. As soon as the door opened, Shino entered.

"...hey...how're you doing?" he asked, hanging his head in what resembled disappointment.

"I'm okay...have you talked with Neji? Did he see me? Does he like it?"

"..he was shocked, of course...like I was... Why didn't you tell me you weren't eating?"

Shino watched with a mental grin as guilt flushed like a wave through those charcoal-black eyes that still had remains of make-up around them. Shino thought he looked _pathetic_. Obnoxiously skinny, his face like he was dead, and his body and whole existance so weak you could barely tell he was even there. How very beautiful he was to Shino...

"..I...I thought you'd..be disappointed...because I was so weak and couldn't stop anymore...But Neji..he'll finally notice me, right?"

"You want me to get him here?"

"...yeah. I think it's time I told him..." Kankuro felt somewhat sad, looking at his stick-thin arm and the plastic tube; it almost scared him how very much he loved Neji...

Shino got up and left the room swiftly. A few moments later Neji walked in, looking worried and nauscious.

"...Kankuro....what the....I don't understand..why would you do something like this to yourself?"

"...For you." the room fell silent.

"....what do you mean..for me?"

"...I love you. Always have...and when I heard you were into skinny ones I thought...'here's my chance'...and..now you're here with me...that must mean something. I love you so much it hurts..."

Neji's pale-grey eyes widened.

Suddenly the Hyuuga leaned down; his face only centimetres from Kankuro's

Kankuro drew a deep breath

and closed his eyes

holding his breath

waiting

expecting

"....get the fuck away from me, you sick gay freak."

his voice was so cold

and those words, they stabbed Kankuro's heart

He left

but Kankuro didn't notice

Shino entered

but Kankuro didn't notice.

Pale hands pulled off his hospital gown

there was a soft whisper of cloth as Shino's shirt and shorts slid off him and to the floor

but Kankuro didn't notice

a hand snaked around him and up to cover his mouth

something pushed into him from behind

But Kankuro didn't notice

Shino let out a satisfied sigh and started moving

But Kankuro didn't notice

He was too busy at the moment, ripping the foodtube out of his arm and trying to stop his tears as he whispered:

"...Neji...you will love me...I will become whatever it is you want me to be...."

And Shino smiled.

~the end~


End file.
